Separation and children

Separating from a partner, especially where children are involved, can be difficult, but it does not have to be impossible. Here are 5 things to think about following separation: –

1/         Whilst it can be hard to tell children that your relationship has come to an end, it can help to speak to children together or agree a way in which you are both going to approach it. It is important to reassure your children that your separation will not affect your role as their mum and dad.

2/         Do not fight over your personal belongings; try to agree who gets the TV or the CD collection between you as the Court is unlikely to make decisions about the contents of your home. It is also unlikely to be cost effective to pay your solicitor to send letters back and forth about the dinner service or the fridge.

3/         Reaching an agreement between you and your partner can be difficult and it can be complicated to try and untangle your joint finances. You may need to rearrange direct debits, close joint accounts and work towards becoming financially independent; these are a necessity, and it can be helpful to begin to think about these arrangements as soon as possible post separation. It is important to seek legal advice promptly if you are concerned about the other person’s access to joint accounts, particularly if you are concerned that they might withdraw the funds in the account or cause the account to become overdrawn.

4/         Consider your options; court proceedings are not the only solution when it comes to a dispute in relation to your children or the financial matters arising upon your separation. You can explore mediation, arbitration, collaborative law or negotiating via solicitors.

5/         Access emotional support for you and your children. Whilst it can be helpful to talk to a friend or family member about your experiences it may also be beneficial to access professional support. Your friends and family inevitably want the best for you, but it can be hard for them to speak their mind or provide neutral guidance, particularly if they have a relationship with both you and your partner. It is important that children are not involved in adult discussions and should be protected from hostility towards other adults. Children may benefit from having an independent adult to talk to, as they may be reluctant to talk freely to parents for fear of upsetting that parent.

The emotional and financial problems that come with the ending of a relationship need to be handled by skilled practitioners.  At KBL, our Family team have many years’ experience in helping individuals in all sorts of different situations.

If you have any questions or would like to arrange a free, no obligation consultation please contact our family team: Amy Dawber or Amera Karim Nazib on Bolton 01204 527777 or Blackburn 01254 268790 or email

We will listen, advise, and remain by your side until you have reached a final settlement, ready to rebuild your life.